Noisy Children at Mass

This was sent to me by a friend. It was in response to a story we just hear about the abusive comments of a priest at Mass who, in the middle of consecrating the Eucharist, placed the host on the paten so he could kick a family into the cry room. In an exchange with a priest via email later that week, he attacked them, belittled them, and repeatedly called them “bad parents” and terrible Catholics.

The author, Joseph Shaw, wrote an earlier piece for Catholic Answer (here) about why you should bring your kids to Holy Mass. This follow-up for One Peter Five, a traditionalist website, develops the thought further with some good practical considerations.

As a parish employee for 17 years in Novus Ordo parishes, and as an attendee of the Ordinariate, I can say that my kids are more focused and better behaved in more reverent liturgies. And that noisy children are not only tolerated but loved at Mass. Our pastor, himself a married priest, calls them our “Children’s Choir”.

Here’s my favorite part:

A modern conception of what makes for child-friendly entertainment is focused on trying to keep the children’s attention, and stop them from being bored with novelties, gimmicks, and music which supposedly appeals to children. When this approach is applied to the liturgy in the Novus Ordo it seems to have limited effectiveness, and frequently children are taken to a separate room for a large part of Mass for a ‘children’s liturgy,’ and/or confined to a ‘crying room’ where they can make noise without disturbing the main congregation.

This is all quite alien to the Traditional Mass, where children are given the example of silent, contemplative prayer, by the liturgy itself. Even if there is music, the Church’s traditional liturgical music, Gregorian Chant, is not designed to stir up the emotions (something which Protestant hymns aim to do, and which modern Catholic hymns often imitate), but to aid contemplation. Our management of children at the Traditional Mass, therefore, should aim to encourage them to develop a contemplative frame of mind. This is not the same as expecting them to maintain an attitude of conscious attention for long periods, which would be impossible for children, and indeed not easy for adults.

There are so many goals and strategies and gimmicks that I myself built into the liturgy to get them away from actually participating in the Mass. I don’t begrudge anyone for using nursery or childcare so adults can go to Mass, but I see the tendency of the same folks prolonging this period of absence later and later for their kids. This is because, at some point, you must bite the bullet and bring them to the Mass. Their behavior and such will follow from exposure to the liturgy. It’s not magic. It’s osmosis and example.

I was one such person. My youngest kids would go to nursery and my older kids would go to Children’s Liturgy of the Word. My wife and I would sigh in relaxed delight as we heard the Liturgy of the Word without fidgeting kids. But they hated Church all the same. After all the time we spent trying to make the Mass fun, enjoyable, and with crafts, the kids would rather be entertained at home or with friends.

After a few months of this, I realized that I was not discipling my children.

I wasn’t “training them up in the way they should go”, as Proverbs 22:6 commands. I was abdicating my responsibilities as a dad. Getting dressed up in clothes they hate, sitting still, listening, and facing one direction for an hour and a half were all obstacles to fun for my kids. I get that. But unless I leaned into it as a dad, they would never learn. So my wife and I began talking about the importance of getting dressed up for Christ the King, the power of praying during Mass, and receiving Holy Communion. We would talk about the smells and the bells, the what and the why. We bought books about Mass, Scripture, and the lives of the Saints that communicated the importance of liturgical worship.

And they learned. They were disciplined, not in the modern sense of the word, which means “punishment”. They became disciples, students who were open to the adult world of the sacred liturgy.

We keep thinking as a Church that if only we appeal to their passions and make them feel good in the context of the Church, then they’ll convert or will stay Catholic or will enjoy Mass. It’s just not true.

I had a mother yell at me for daring to make intellectual demands on her son in high school. “Your job is to give my kids a spiritual high. It’s not like they will remember anything you teach them when they are older.” I couldn’t believe what I was reading in her rage-filled, multi-page email. But, when you are used to a way of being Christian that is pleasant, liturgies that are cultivated to the Iron Law of Vague Sentimentality, and think of faith formation and youth ministry as the fun version of Church for kids, then her mindset is almost impossible not to have.

The reality is the opposite. The liturgy cultivates the passions without shameless emotional manipulation. If parents come faithfully to Mass, both in the frequency of attendance and intensity of devotion, then their children will see Catholicism as a Way of Life. They will move beyond the rote monotony of memorized prayers and proceed into the beauty of familiarity. If they can understand the sacramental reality of the Bible and the Church, then the liturgy ceases to be an externally imposed form of worship and becomes the source of interior love, adoration, and union with our Lord and His Church.

One problem that I see lately is the push in various parish reform programs to take kids out of the Mass. The Church of the Nativity (Rebuilt books and the Matter Conference) has a saying that has risen to creedal status: “If you do something for my kids, you do something for me.” Which, in their context, means removing them from Holy Mass, from their parents, and putting them in a non-denominational-like worship service for kids, disguised as a Children’s Liturgy of the Word. This is not family formation. This is not parents making disciples of their kids.

If Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God, if He gave us a Church, and if the Holy Mass really is the re-presentation of His sacrifice for us, then kids need to be at Mass, kids need to learn the Mass parts, as well as learn how to pray and how to prepare. Don’t let perfection in this area stop you from trying. Our kids are still kids. Two are diagnosed with (my) ADHD. It can be done!

Fear not!